What do you think of when you hear “the talk?” More than likely that awkward talk you had with your parents in the fifth grade about the birds and the bees popped into your mind. Or maybe it was that time in sex ed when your teacher put a condom on a banana. But that isn’t what I am here to talk to you about. Instead, I want to talk about how to have that same talk with your significant other. No matter your opinions on sex, you are going to have to have this talk at one point or another. It could just be to set ground rules and say you want to wait until marriage to have sex, or it could be to tell someone you are ready to “take your relationship to the next level.” Either way, it is one of the most important conversations to have with your partner.
So many people think that sex is a thing that “just happens.” But I think that it needs to be talked about. Every relationship needs boundaries, and although it can be awkward to have these boundary-setting conversations, they are necessary to a successful and comfortable relationship. Not talking about sex, can lead to a lot of regret and unanswered questions. “Did he just want to date me so we could have sex? Did it mean as much to him as it meant to me?” You’ll never know unless you are able to have the tough conversations.
There are no set rules on when or how to have these conversations, but here are a few tips:
- If you are not comfortable enough to talk about it, wait. If the thought of saying the word “sex” makes you cringe, it is probably because you are not comfortable enough to have sex with your partner.
- Remember, this is a two way street. Even if you are ready, your partner may not be, and you have to respect that.
- Talk about condoms, birth control, and previous partners. It is better to get all of this out in the open before you become sexually active with someone. Safe sex is the best sex J.
- And if there have been previous sexual partners, make sure you get tested for sexually transmitted infections. You don’t want to harm your partner by accidentally passing something along that you didn’t know you even had! It is also super important for your own health, and some STI’s are even curable!
- It is okay to tell someone that you are not ready to have sex with them or that you want to wait until you are married to have sex. If your partner is not accepting of that, they are not the right person for you.
- CONSENT! Even after having the talk with your partner, one of you may change your mind. That is completely fine and normal; so make sure you ask your partner again if they are sure and ready before doing anything. And if you change your mind, don’t hesitate to tell your partner. If he or she loves you, they will wait!
Whether you are ready to have sex with your partner or not, you should always be able to talk to him/her about how you feel about sex. Letting someone know that you are ready to have sex is just as important as letting him or her know you don’t want to have sex until marriage. I feel like this is one of the most important conversations in a relationship because without it there is room for a lot of mistakes, regret, and peer pressure. Don’t let anyone pressure you into doing something you are not ready to do. Have the difficult conversations, set boundaries, and always respect your partner!